I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
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he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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