Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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