i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
