my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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