I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
