Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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