me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
