Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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