I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
