Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
