Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
