Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
