my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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