Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
