ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
