Your face is a jimmy john
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I could fuck to npr.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
