I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
