Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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