the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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