i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
