margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
