Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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