I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
