somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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