Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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