i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
