upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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