Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
