I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
