Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
