She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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