shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she woke up with a sticky ear
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
