dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
