Sry I called you an 8
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
