im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
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I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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