I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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