Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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