Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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