Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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