The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
