so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
