My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
