Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
