member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
