i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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