And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
