Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
