Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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