I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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