You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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