Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
