I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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