Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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