im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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