Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
