New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
