i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You're a waste of cheezeits
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
