I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
