so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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