I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
