We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
