So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
