How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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