Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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