I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
