those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
