I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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